i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
