Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
