dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
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