I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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