My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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