So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
