im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
