i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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