I wish my penis had an off switch
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
