He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
