i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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