Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
