At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I am spending my child support on dildos
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
