my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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