I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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