I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
