hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
