Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
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The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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