It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
