can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
