I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
