doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
