Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
MIDGETS
????
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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