I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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