as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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