I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
