Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
