And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
