And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
