he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
