I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
