i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
