He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
