OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
