I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
