Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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