I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
