yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
