I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
