shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
