the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
