Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
