I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
