My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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