How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
