We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I will be naked everywhere
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
