Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
