jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
