my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She's the barista slut.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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