i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
