but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize