Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
