I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
