It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
this is an emotional support booty call
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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