I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
