omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
