This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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