i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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