Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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