it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
