now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
