awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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