I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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