worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize