I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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