I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
