woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
