The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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