I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As shirtless as possible
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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