He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
