the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
